If I Were a WoW Boss

Having just read this great post on LFM listing the top things she will do if she becomes a raid boss in WoW (which you should definitely read for a chuckle), I was inspired to do the same. Which admittedly means I’m stealing the idea, but hey I’m an evil WoW boss now, that’s the kind of thing I do.

So here are the key things I will do if I became a raid boss:

1. I will make sure that my impenetrable lair is actually impenetrable. That means no secret tunnels into the heart of the base (I’m looking at you Illidan), no giving anyone else the keys (*cough* Sapphirron), and I definitely won’t allow there to be a magic portal that leads from the base of the good guys and straight into my own inner sanctum (Seriously Sartharion, what were you thinking?)

2. My entire dungeon will be designed along a simple layout where adventurers can effectively keep going straight through a one-way series of connected rooms. I will not be at the end of these rooms, I will be hidden behind an unmarked door to the left of the instance entrance.

3. Every single room in my dungeon will include some twisted version of the game frogger.

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A Journey (or: How I Punched Varian Wrynn in his Smug Face, Whilst Naked!)

Last weekend my guild decided to recreate a very successful event we ran last year, where we played games of Marco Polo in major cities. Its a really fun game to play and I thoroughly recommend it. This year we decided to make it extra interesting by setting the games within the cities of the opposing faction. That’s right, a bunch of 10-15 Horde were running around the Alliance cities, not only hiding from each other but the Allies. Except its quite hard to stay hidden (or alive!) when you are PvP flagged and have to yell ‘Polo’ every time you hear ‘Marco’. Sadly I didn’t manage to take too many screenshots of this event, because I was too busy trying to avoid being ganked or from laughing over Mumble. I did manage to snap this great picture of myself and guild leader Nich (in Alliance Draenei form) doing a naked totem disco which transcended our racial differences.

So, as mentioned this event was an awesome success, but it was only the prelude to this story. The story begins the other night when I logged back in for the first time following the event. I had logged out in the water under Stormwind bridge, and for a moment it took me a while to remember why I was a) naked and b) in hostile territory! The immediate course of action was obvious: to see how far I could streak through Stormwind before I was stopped by the guards.

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RIP Sentry Totem

I once killed a raid boss with a Sentry Totem. No really. I was raiding Ulduar and we were about to fight Auriaya, aka the crazy cat lady boss. Having no Hunter to trap-pull her, I volunteered to use a Sentry Totem instead. I mean, it would get her attention right? In fact it did a lot more. Auriaya aggroed on the Sentry Totem and then inexplicably disappeared! The totem had died, but taken the boss with it in the process. Yay Sentry Totem!

Of course then our resident paladin stepped out to see if Auriaya was truly gone, and she promptly emerged from whatever game-code wormhole she had fallen into and whacked him on the head. Still, it was probably the greatest victory I’ve seen for Totem-kind, especially for a humble Sentry Totem!

Of course, last week brought us the quite frankly ridiculous news that the Sentry Totem will be removed from the game when Cataclysm lands. Have Blizzard gone insane? Do they not realise that the Sentry Totem, whilst being something of the black sheep in the totem family (flock?), has many… some… well occasional uses in a Shaman’s day-to-day life? Clearly they haven’t realised, so now I present to you and to Blizzard my definitive guide on what Sentry Totems can be used for!

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